Then and Now and Later

I just finished reading “The Practice of the Presence of God” by Brother Lawrence.  His pure delight in God Himself reminded me of the life Christ started in me as a 15 year old.

I ate the Word, spent my days in peace and delight in Him, hoping for a chance to wait in a waiting room or drive a tractor or do some other monotonous activity so I could spend time doting on Him in my heart and mind.  I would spend quite a lot of time praying and thanking Him and reading His Word.  Then I might dance like an idiot for a few minutes just to give the excited happiness of being with Him somewhere to go.

Since then, my “maturity” and “experience” have stifled that simple, pleasant relationship.  The conversations I start now are more about what He wants me to do or what my family needs than about how wonderful He is.  Is it possible for Him to still provide and care for us and use us for His glory if I stop trying and thinking so hard and be like Mary at His feet?

I tell you, I loved that relationship I had with him at 15, 16, and 17.  He did, too.  And now, twenty years later — a wife, 5 kids, obediences and sins, faith and doubt, bills and fears — surely He hasn’t changed.


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